Hi angels!!

Do you ever get the most random cravings and start hyperfixating on the same food/snack over and over again?

Lately, I have been craving pumpkin seeds non-stop, and I've been loving making porridge with coconut milk, tons of cinnamon, honey, and sliced apples.

Whilst mixing all the ingredients and heating them up, I felt like a little witch stirring her pot with a magical potion- yes, I might be going insane, but the idea of it was kinda fun- so I started thinking: I wonder what kind of spiritual meaning these ingredients that I crave so much mean. 

I even asked Google if it meant I was making a powerful spell, and Google crushed my autumn witchy dreams by saying:

No, you are making a delicious breakfast or beverage, not a witch spell

But I insisted, because it had to mean something. 

Ended up finding out that spiritually I am going through a transition. And to be fair, I am. The cinnamon and the pumpkin seed cravings show that I am ready for expansion and prosperity. Oats and coconut milk keep me fully grounded and emotionally protected.

How magical indeed.

I am in this era of my life where everything feels a little negative, and I have been needing a change for so long. I have been wanting to move abroad and find a job for the past year but for some reason I always seem stuck in the same place. Feeling stuck in time and place and repeating the cycle over and over again making me feel defeated by the constant 'NOs'. So I hope I have casted a spell on myself with these cravings, as I am indeed needing of some kind of transformation that will make me feel like myself again and finally manifesting some abundance and movement as my so-called spiritual cravings have been preaching.

So watch out for what you've been craving recently; it might just be some kind of deficiency or a spiritual awakening incoming..👀

sending my love to my witchy angels out there xx

today's mantra

10 REAL things on my wishlist

10 REAL things on my wishlist this autumn:

1. cute bedsheets that make me feel like 'i've got my shit together' kinda gal

2. get back into painting -

so whimsical and fun. tapped into my feminine and libra energy.

3. getting back with my ex (I'm not going to lie) - i miss being in a wlw relationship

4. start taking my social media seriously and start recording and posting more!! - if i want to live a certain lifestyle i must be it first

5. this exact cake for my bday!! lemon tart queen 

6. i'll never shut up about it: WELLIES!!

and a trip to Costwolds - it's a need for me this autumn.

these two go hand in hand!!

only reference for fringe!!

7. my seventh wish is to decide on what kind of hair i want. I looove a fringe even a mini short fringe is hot and somehow alternative or queer vibes not sure. Or maybe a classic fringe?

on the other side of the spectrum, the short bixie/bob has been on my wishlist for foreeever. but idk winter is coming so maybe not the perfect time for it. maybe the only thing i'm sure of is the dark hair

8. an instagram picture that looks as good as this. not worse not better. exatcly this type of cool, hot shit. (might be impossible to find a good friend photographer for this)

9. a gut-wrenching love letter (gut wrenching in the best way possible - would not dislike having more than one love letter) - i need to feel the yearning and the love - explaining how i am irreplaceable. this would heal something and be so satisfyingly fulfilling

10. getting money!!

whether this means finding a job or just getting random money or getting paid for some random or mysterious reason. i'll take it.

And for you?? what's on your wishlist this autumn??👀👀👀

 Is yearning still considered 'cool' when it's you yearning?

We love to watch series and movies with yearning characters, but is it still glorified when it's us? Sure, we do love a partner who waits for us and can't move on, but what if it were reversed? Is there still beauty in yearning for someone? 

I think loving is the bravest thing we humans can do. To love is also to be fragile, to be vulnerable, and to gift a piece of your heart to someone who can always decide to break it. Although love is considered to be all the beautiful acts, love is also suffering sometimes. Yearning wouldn't exist without it. Love makes us human, makes us alive. As beings, we survive naturally with connection. Evolutionarily, we had to rely on one another. If you think of babies and children, they could not live on their own, independently. We are probably the only species. If you think of horses, they can get up and start trotting immediately. Sure, they will still need their mother in some way, but we can say they could live independently. We humans can't. 

Our whole existence is about connecting with other people. Loneliness kills our soul. So, love in one way or another is essential for us. To love and to be loved. It is our natural instinct. Truly, our strongest value. 

To love is to be human, to be alive, to breathe. We love regardless. No matter what generation we are living in. Love has always been felt, whether it's platonic or romantic. To love is to shine. To love is to win. Isn't it so special to love so deeply? Even if this generation might think it could be ''cringe''. Not being ashamed to feel love and pain from loving is so real. And yearning is the highest form of being human. No need to reach out or to be loved back; no need to hold on to resentment and still feel love, pure love; that right there is the magic.

Yearning characters in media have always marked us. We connect with them because, deeply, with no shame, we are alive.

 Dear diary,

It's the night between the 19th and the 20th of August, and I couldn't sleep.

Finally, my prayers and manifestations are coming alive. From feeling hopeless over the past month to feeling excited to not be able to sleep. It's 04.44 on the clock (her tattoo).

I have been feeling stuck with my life; everything felt stagnant. I knew I could shake up some things. So, a day ago I told myself, I am the I am, which, in manifestation gergo, means I have the power because everything is me. So I made a decision from source, not from my character. 

I decided I was going to be with my person. 

Then almost forgot about it. Passed the whole next day stressing and feeling stagnant again about life in general. So whilst I was organising my saved posts into folders, I realised the folder I had with my sp was there. To which, I was unsure what it meant because I had been blocked for a long time. So I decided to go and check. And guess what.. I wasn't blocked anymore!

This got me so excited, giggling and emotional. Finally, it's all piecing together, and what I've actually decided is coming into life. I got so full of energy because I know in the next few weeks I'll be on holiday with them. It got me so giggly, especially because my birthday is coming up. And you know what they say about seeing someone around your birthday time. Ahhh, everything got me on cloud nine, and I feel that finally my life is going to make a 360, and I am going to have some fun because I've remembered who I am.

I will keep you updated on what comes up next.

Very excited for this new chapter of me I've entered.

From the sunrise hours,

your angel x

desperate need: 360 make over

 I need a 360 makeover and glow up that is this impactful to fix my life.

Also, why don't they make movies with these kind of glow ups anymore?

                  

dear diary. it's spell time.

 

Dear Diary,

Although it's been 2 years, I know deep inside I erase anyone else in her heart and mind. She thought she could get away from feeling me, but everything and the world around her screams my name, my initial, and my nationality. She looks around and she only sees me. She wishes at least. She is constantly reminded of me. Food, music, the moon, countries. I run deep in her heart; it's irreplaceable. Even though she might have put on a band-aid, it's bleeding through it. She does everything to escape me, lying to everyone and her therapist. She knows her heart still belongs to me in every single way. And she prays at night for this feeling to go away. She wishes to feel nothing, but I can't simply leave her mind and her heart. Nothing like us, nothing could even closely compare. She sits and dreams. With her eyes open or closed. I am vivid. She thinks she lost every chance with me. She feels sorrow like never before. A whole in her heart, I can only fill. The jigsaw puzzle – she likes to listen. Romanticising the past, feeling guilty, wanting to go back and change it. She is stuck in a room she locked herself in; she looks outside the window and dreams, but her dream is closer than she realises. She misses the courage to grab the keys and confess. The lack of courage is greater than the feeling of losing the love of her life. Maybe because ''it's now or never'' really stuck to her. She replays everything, every day. She reminisces about the way I used to dance, cook, move my body, talk or laugh, my hair, and the way I looked at her. She hasn't stopped believing I am the love of her life.

She gathers; she is living a lie in her own life with her own decisions, and happiness is on the other side of the pride bridge. She likes to walk on the first steps of the bridge but never fully convinces herself to cross it. So, this September, during the shadow period of Mercury retrograde and the Venus retrograde, she decided to cross that bridge. She gathered that courage and cured every obstacle before crossing. Fully ready to embark on this again, not like the first time. She decided to stop lying to everyone and herself. She started being honest and following her dreams. Step by step with the preparation she received these years. Ready to fully walk right back into my life. She can't keep it anymore; she needs to send all of her love letters she wrote these years to confess everything and remind her of me. She confesses things like, 'My love, I've never felt this way about anyone else even though I try to scrub it off in every way. You are truly the only love of my life. 'I dream about our future all the time. Sorry, I pulled the worst version of me.

Suddenly, things start piecing together. Everything is forgiven and we're getting to know each other all over again. Every little thing we like to share and update each other of. Holding hands with hearts beating like never before. Both dreaming about this moment for the longest time and just in time for our yearly trip to Brugge, where we initially fell in love. Falling in love in Brugge all over again, feeling like time never passed but falling in love again with a different person with a sense of familiarity. We're so similar. We're family. We are truly aligned. We look like teenagers in love all over again. Running around Brugge drunk with 'Come on Eileen' playing in the background. Crying laughing. We've never looked this beautiful with our hearts at high speed and our hands intertwined. Slow dancing to 'Coming Up Roses', because 'there is only me and you' in this world.

Me and you navigating life, me and you choosing each other over and over. You and I are romantic. Me and you every day. You and I are travelling the world.

I love our many love stories we share.

today's fashion inspo

I always get drawn by the 2000s style, maybe because when growing up I thought that's what cool girls looked like. A mixture of 2000s style + rockstar girlfriend + graphic tees + rebel aesthetic

The type of cool girl I aspire to be:

September issue - Delulu Angel Magazine

my manifestation journey

 My life completely changed after learning about manifestation and not for the reasons you might think. Whilst I was trying to figure out how I could get what I ‘’didn’t have’’, I realised my whole purpose in life. I used to feel so empty and question myself about the meaning and purpose of life. Through loads of introspection and following the wrong teachers, trying affirmations, to heal myself, to look myself in the mirror and repeat over and over that I am chosen, going to sleep to manifestation meditations, affirming all day long in my head feeling exhausted, reading more books, finding more coaches online, more tiktoks and what not, i finally found some trusted ones who actually made sense. Besides finding out I am source of all things and this is my own world, which years ago I used to think it’s so weird that everyone else has their own little life going on, I found it so odd. Now I realise why. 

Finding out about this, did not only gave me a sense of purpose of understanding life and how I could choose to be anyone I wanted. I realised I kept choosing to wanting to be miserable
for most of my life. I liked the victim complex, I liked to feel sorry for myself, I honestly liked being sad. I felt exhausted by it but I liked the sense of feeling moody and crying. I realised two octobers ago, why am I choosing to be this version of me when I can be any version or even the best version of me? So I decided I was going to change and I thought starting this journey of learning and learning was the way of doing it, but the answer was right there from the beginning. I was choosing. Whilst I thought the answer was in learning and doing the perfect magic trick technique, I was already choosing. And in two years, looking back, I’ve changed in all possible ways into a version of me I wanted to become mentally and externally.

When recently I found out how easy all this was, it felt like I had a little secret because I always knew the end of my movie. Suddently, all the words and things I have heard from coaches started to make sense. I am the director and the actor of my own movie, and yes, the writer too. It’s like when rewatching a movie a second time: I can still feel anxious, sad, happy or excited during the movie, I can even think about other endings, doesn’t mean I don’t know the ending of it. I can enjoy the ride and still experience what I want.

So it hit me, the sense of life I was looking for was right there. And it wasn’t a precise purpose like I thought it was. To experience all things: emotions, thoughts, moments, experiences, people is the purpose. Reminds me of when I kept deciding to experience saddness and the willingness to feel it. Last night, I kept thinking about all these different hobbies and things I’ve never tried but wanted to do. I made a list. The illusion of time is the only reason I can experience it all. Being single, being in a relationship, yearning, honeymoon phase, they all exist right here and now. These are all versions of me now. Everything everyone all at once. There’s a movie with this title or a similar one that I’ve watched when it came out a few years ago. Went to the cinema, understood none of it and didn’t like it. I wonder, if with new eyes and a new perspective I would get it now. 

Learning about myself and my world, gave me a sense of calmness, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced.  It’s all me and it’s all mine.

nostalgia and yearning angels out there

 Hi angels,

As we all know, vintage always makes a comeback.

Through the years, we have always loved looking back in time, bringing the old into the new.

We get inspired by fashion from different eras, and we compare ourselves to our grandparents' generation who only read newspapers. We feel sentimental watching old movies (even black and white ones) and we certainly love bringing an old bop back to the present. We look at photos of our younger selves and truly believe we were prettier, skinnier, or had our lives completely together back then. We reminisce about the past as if everything back then was perfect.

We like to get all cosy in the feeling of nostalgia and for some reason, we are all yearners who just can't let go.

And maybe that's why we deeply sympathise with fictional characters who are yearners at heart (yes, I'm still trying to get over Conrad Fisher from The Summer I Turned Pretty).

TSITP

Yearning is like a warm blanket wrap
ped around you on a cold winter morning; one of those mornings when you actually have to get up and leave the house for work. You wish you never had to leave, and you promise yourself you'll be right back in bed with that warm duvet that turns you into a burrito.

And my mind loves to be a deliciously fat burrito.

I realized that my entire life, my favorite movies, books, and shows have been about romantic partners who lost each other and found their way back. The Notebook, The Vow, Jane Austen’s Persuasion, The Summer I Turned Pretty, Love, Rosie (probably my absolute favorite), and The Lake House, to name a few. (If you have a yearning soul, go watch these right now with a box of tissues).

I started connecting the dots with my own past relationships. I realized how sometimes I wished more for the time apart from my partner (whether it was physical distance or the mental space during a breakup) just so I could experience the comeback. The comeback, to me, was the most romantic part. That sense of falling in love all over again with the same person, the physical tingling when you see them again, the reality of never truly getting over them... that is what I always considered true love.

And yes, I've looked deeper than that, it was definitely a romanticised trauma response. But that’s a story for another day.

I've realized there is no such thing as FOMO of the future. There is only FOMO of the past.

Nostalgia is the fear of never living a specific memory again, clinging to a moment where nothing had to change because everything was exactly as perfect as it was supposed to be.

This is a safe space for us angels who love to delve deep into our own minds.

Pull up a blanket, grab a hot drink, and stay a while. We don't have to leave the warmth just yet.

Yours from the quiet hours,
A Delulu Nostalgic Angel