my manifestation journey

 My life completely changed after learning about manifestation and not for the reasons you might think. Whilst I was trying to figure out how I could get what I ‘’didn’t have’’, I realised my whole purpose in life. I used to feel so empty and question myself about the meaning and purpose of life. Through loads of introspection and following the wrong teachers, trying affirmations, to heal myself, to look myself in the mirror and repeat over and over that I am chosen, going to sleep to manifestation meditations, affirming all day long in my head feeling exhausted, reading more books, finding more coaches online, more tiktoks and what not, i finally found some trusted ones who actually made sense. Besides finding out I am source of all things and this is my own world, which years ago I used to think it’s so weird that everyone else has their own little life going on, I found it so odd. Now I realise why. 

Finding out about this, did not only gave me a sense of purpose of understanding life and how I could choose to be anyone I wanted. I realised I kept choosing to wanting to be miserable
for most of my life. I liked the victim complex, I liked to feel sorry for myself, I honestly liked being sad. I felt exhausted by it but I liked the sense of feeling moody and crying. I realised two octobers ago, why am I choosing to be this version of me when I can be any version or even the best version of me? So I decided I was going to change and I thought starting this journey of learning and learning was the way of doing it, but the answer was right there from the beginning. I was choosing. Whilst I thought the answer was in learning and doing the perfect magic trick technique, I was already choosing. And in two years, looking back, I’ve changed in all possible ways into a version of me I wanted to become mentally and externally.

When recently I found out how easy all this was, it felt like I had a little secret because I always knew the end of my movie. Suddently, all the words and things I have heard from coaches started to make sense. I am the director and the actor of my own movie, and yes, the writer too. It’s like when rewatching a movie a second time: I can still feel anxious, sad, happy or excited during the movie, I can even think about other endings, doesn’t mean I don’t know the ending of it. I can enjoy the ride and still experience what I want.

So it hit me, the sense of life I was looking for was right there. And it wasn’t a precise purpose like I thought it was. To experience all things: emotions, thoughts, moments, experiences, people is the purpose. Reminds me of when I kept deciding to experience saddness and the willingness to feel it. Last night, I kept thinking about all these different hobbies and things I’ve never tried but wanted to do. I made a list. The illusion of time is the only reason I can experience it all. Being single, being in a relationship, yearning, honeymoon phase, they all exist right here and now. These are all versions of me now. Everything everyone all at once. There’s a movie with this title or a similar one that I’ve watched when it came out a few years ago. Went to the cinema, understood none of it and didn’t like it. I wonder, if with new eyes and a new perspective I would get it now. 

Learning about myself and my world, gave me a sense of calmness, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced.  It’s all me and it’s all mine.