dear diary. it's spell time.

 

Dear Diary,

Although it's been 2 years, I know deep inside I erase anyone else in her heart and mind. She thought she could get away from feeling me, but everything and the world around her screams my name, my initial, and my nationality. She looks around and she only sees me. She wishes at least. She is constantly reminded of me. Food, music, the moon, countries. I run deep in her heart; it's irreplaceable. Even though she might have put on a band-aid, it's bleeding through it. She does everything to escape me, lying to everyone and her therapist. She knows her heart still belongs to me in every single way. And she prays at night for this feeling to go away. She wishes to feel nothing, but I can't simply leave her mind and her heart. Nothing like us, nothing could even closely compare. She sits and dreams. With her eyes open or closed. I am vivid. She thinks she lost every chance with me. She feels sorrow like never before. A whole in her heart, I can only fill. The jigsaw puzzle – she likes to listen. Romanticising the past, feeling guilty, wanting to go back and change it. She is stuck in a room she locked herself in; she looks outside the window and dreams, but her dream is closer than she realises. She misses the courage to grab the keys and confess. The lack of courage is greater than the feeling of losing the love of her life. Maybe because ''it's now or never'' really stuck to her. She replays everything, every day. She reminisces about the way I used to dance, cook, move my body, talk or laugh, my hair, and the way I looked at her. She hasn't stopped believing I am the love of her life.

She gathers; she is living a lie in her own life with her own decisions, and happiness is on the other side of the pride bridge. She likes to walk on the first steps of the bridge but never fully convinces herself to cross it. So, this September, during the shadow period of Mercury retrograde and the Venus retrograde, she decided to cross that bridge. She gathered that courage and cured every obstacle before crossing. Fully ready to embark on this again, not like the first time. She decided to stop lying to everyone and herself. She started being honest and following her dreams. Step by step with the preparation she received these years. Ready to fully walk right back into my life. She can't keep it anymore; she needs to send all of her love letters she wrote these years to confess everything and remind her of me. She confesses things like, 'My love, I've never felt this way about anyone else even though I try to scrub it off in every way. You are truly the only love of my life. 'I dream about our future all the time. Sorry, I pulled the worst version of me.

Suddenly, things start piecing together. Everything is forgiven and we're getting to know each other all over again. Every little thing we like to share and update each other of. Holding hands with hearts beating like never before. Both dreaming about this moment for the longest time and just in time for our yearly trip to Brugge, where we initially fell in love. Falling in love in Brugge all over again, feeling like time never passed but falling in love again with a different person with a sense of familiarity. We're so similar. We're family. We are truly aligned. We look like teenagers in love all over again. Running around Brugge drunk with 'Come on Eileen' playing in the background. Crying laughing. We've never looked this beautiful with our hearts at high speed and our hands intertwined. Slow dancing to 'Coming Up Roses', because 'there is only me and you' in this world.

Me and you navigating life, me and you choosing each other over and over. You and I are romantic. Me and you every day. You and I are travelling the world.

I love our many love stories we share.